sometimes, the biggest, strongest, most beautiful things come in the smallest of packages.

Don't underestimate her strength because of her five-foot height, her gentle demeanor, or her beaming ear-to-ear smile as she greets you for the first time. Kirby is a kick-ass massage therapist. I know first hand. I have known Kirby since she was a awkward pre-teen with braces and pigtails. I remember going over to her house when I was about 14. I was in a 'band' with her older brother, and she would come down into the basement to watch us play awful covers of Hole and Babes in Toyland. She adored her big brother, and still does. From music, to motorcycles, Kirby has been strongly influenced by her brother. I think that relationship opened the door for her to realize her inner strength and power as a woman. She always wanted to be one of the guys, and was never put in a corner and told she was too small to ride that harley or too weak to hike that mountain, or too fearful to train that bulldog even after he attacked her face, leaving a permanent scar along her cheek bone. She pushes all resistance aside and forges ahead, all with this sense of gratitude and incredulous positivity.

A few years back, I had wanted to buy a massage for Mathieu for Christmas.I knew that Kirby was practicing massage, so I messaged her and she had some time available just before Christmas when we were going to be in Connecticut. So I booked him a 90 minute massage, and surprised him with it when I dropped him off at her private studio. I came back an hour and a half later, and waited about another 15 minutes for him to come out. He walked out the door of her studio, and I could just see in his face that it was amazing. He got into the car and said, 'Wow. She is really good. That was hands down the best massage I have ever gotten.' Mathieu had been to massage therapy school, so I knew that he was a tough critic. Well, I was sold at this point, and had to book her for myself for the next time we were down! And he was right. She is amazing.

I think what makes Kirby such a great massage therapist is not only her love for what she does, although that is a huge part of it. I mean, she loves her job. She will tell you how lucky she feels to be able to do what she does for a career. Just having a conversation with her about it, you can see the excitement pouring out of her! She is continuously educating herself on different techniques and she wants to share everything she learns with her clients. But what REALLY makes her good at what she does, I think, is that she isn't afraid of it. She is a beautiful, brave, and incredibly strong woman who is able to deflect the negative energy in her life. This alone puts her in a position to excel at what she does. One of the reasons Mathieu decided not to do massage for a living was that he said it was so physically and emotionally draining. He said that you need to be able to deflect that stress and toxic energy that you are working out of each person as you massage them, and that for most of us, this is a really difficult thing to do. Thankfully, for Kirby(and  all of her clients), it just comes naturally.

Kirby is currently practicing out of ANEW You skincare and spa in Avon, CT.

I am a imperfect woman. I am beautiful.

I have worked in the world of hair and beauty for 11, almost 12 years now. I have had countless women sit in my chair and tell me what they like or more specifically, don't like, about their hair. And sometimes their faces. And bodies. I once, many years ago when I first started on the floor as a stylist, had a woman sit in my chair and tell me how she wanted a change. This was a woman I had never met before, and she had never been into the salon before this either. She had a really hard time telling me exactly what it was she wanted though, and was seeming very unsure to me. My instincts told me that she wouldn't have been happy with anything I were to do and this made me very uncomfortable with the idea of actually cutting her hair. So, I told her that I thought that until she was a little more certain with what she wanted, I would perhaps just help her style her hair differently. She wore her hair curly normally and thought, well, I will show her how to do a blow-out and maybe that will give her the change she was looking for without a major commitment. Well, things didn't go according to plan. As I finished drying her hair, I saw tears begin to fall down her cheeks. Was she really this upset about her hair being blown out straight? Should I wash it and start over?? Did this actually have anything to do with her hair at all??? (I don't think so). I had no idea what to do. I mean, I had studied cosmetology, not psychology, right?? Well, the answer to that question is yes, and no. The thing is, there is a psychology to cosmetology. We as women, have been taught to believe that what is beautiful externally creates beauty internally. THIS IS WRONG MY FRIENDS. I can't stress it enough. There is without a doubt a direct connection between internal and external beauty, but it works the opposite way. When we feel good internally, we shine externally. When we are emotionally fulfilled and balanced, we glow and our beauty is contagious and unavoidable. No hair color, eyeliner, mascara, concealer or bronzer can give you this kind of beauty. Don't get me wrong, a little concealer over a pimple or a tiny bit of bronzer on a gloomy, rainy, early spring morning will help give that little extra pep on your step, but only if you are doing the work on the inside as well.

I watched this video this morning that is part of the Dove Real Beauty Ad Campaign which highlights a forensic artist who draws women in two anonymous sittings, once by the description of the woman herself, and once by someone else's description of that same woman. The differences in the images are astonishing and emotion evoking. I for one, as a woman who works in a fairly superficial business, who has battled with my own image issues over the years, and who has two beautiful baby girls, was very affected by this video. It hit me hard, like a brick wall. I knew what it meant to me, what it was asking me to do. Suddenly, so much stuff just made sense.

I recently photographed a beautiful friend of mine in a very honest and vulnerable manner. This friend of mine is a strong woman. She is a single mother, who works full-time. She is an education and language enthusiast. She loves to read, and watch movies, and comedy shows. She loves hanging out with friends, and painting her nails with her daughter, and drinking red wine and eating decadent desserts. She imagines what it might be to find love again, and yet knows herself all too well to just settle for anything less than she deserves. She is happy. And sometimes sad. And sometimes tired. But always growing and always real.

I'm not drawn to overdone boudoir images. It's too unrealistic to me. I want to see the realness behind the woman in the photograph. My friend was actually telling me how exhausted she was when she showed up at my house to do this shoot that afternoon. She had been out with some friends the night before, was fighting off a cold, and had worked all day long.. and I was like, perfect! We had no time before Mathieu arrived home from school with the girls to touch up makeup or hair, but I wanted it that way.  I wanted to capture all of that in this photo shoot. I wanted to show what makes a woman, all of the things we balance, all of the challenges we endure, all of the responsibility we take on and how it is ALL of these things that make us beautiful. The struggles and the triumphs. The tears and the laughter. The lessons that we learn. The strength that we all have within... These are the things that make us beautiful. These are the things that we need to nurture. These are the things I want to be able to capture in my photography. The true essence of what it is to be a beautiful woman.

I think back to that woman in my stylist chair many years ago, and I wonder if and hope that she figured out what it was that she needed to get herself out of that sad place she was in that day. That experience changed my perspective of beauty. It taught me how much impact our appearances can have on us, and how much our emotional well-being impacts our appearance. It really instilled in me that real beauty comes from the spirit within. The next time you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, before jumping directly to the cosmetics bag, stop and really ask yourself: WHAT IS IT THAT I NEED RIGHT NOW?

a day off? a vacation? a new job? a run? a hot bubble bath? a warm sunny day outside with my kids??

And then go get it.. in whatever way you have to, GET IT. You deserve it. You are beautiful. Inside, and out. xo

all photography by Jennifer Marcuson

know when to let go of the wheel.. (and when to take it back, of course;)

I am taking a 4 week online photography course through the DEFINE school called Life+Light with Kellie Hatcher. The class started the week of our wedding, which was kind of crazy. And then, two days before our wedding I fell sick with a laryngitis turned bronchitis thing, which I am still recovering from. And Mathieu has been away all week on business, so I have been single Mom for most of the week. I started thinking that perhaps it was terrible timing to be taking a class, but over the last few days I have found myself saying f#%* it and just letting go of the ship a bit so I can find some time to work on my light metering(our 2nd week lesson). These were taken in the midst of a cat food-throwing party. I mean, the girls had the whole bowl of food tossed all over the kitchen floor. But I didn't say a word, and I just kept shooting and changing my exposure and practicing, and practicing. My point being, sometimes, it's ok to let responsibility wait. Sometimes, the only way we can actually get the time we deserve to do the things we love to do is by letting go of the things we 'should' be doing. And sometimes, these are the moments we remember the most.. because they are the most free. I thoroughly enjoyed watching my girls(and Mystic the cat) go bonkers without boundaries for 15 minutes of the day. They were so happy, and silly, and curious and free! (Mathieu will love seeing this...)

And then, eventually, when both girls had found their way to the table top, and the entire bucket of roses had found it's way to the floor, I decided it was a good time to stop. And then we had a sweep-up-the-cat-food party.

his favorite kind of snow.

It has been snowing in Québec City since yesterday morning. Heavily at times. And then there are little breaks in the storm and you see the sun trying to peek out... almost.... almost...... but no sooner than those bright yellow rays cast a hue of warmth and joy across the frozen saint lawrence seaway, do the heavy flakes of winter begin to fall again. Mathieu grew up with this constant state of winter from every november to april, and yet he summoned me down to the first floor this morning with complete joy and excitement because he wanted me to see the snow. (Remember: it has been snowing for more than 24 hours now...). "Jenn, hurry up! You have to see this, THIS is my favorite kind of snow!"

So we threw our boots and coats (and camera) on quickly and stepped out onto the quiet, snowy street. And it was indeed magical. And I was reminded again of why I love this man. I find it so incredible that after so many years, he still sees the magic and beauty that surrounds him. He helps remind me and our beautiful girls to do the same. And for that, I think I am a pretty lucky gal.

This second series I shot just after coming back inside, and I just thought the light was so beautiful in front of the door, and then this beautiful moment happened between Mathieu and Joey. And the best part about it was that the magical snow flakes from outside had stuck to my lens, and created this wonderfully magical effect with out me having to change a thing. Love.

photography by Jennifer Marcuson

crème bralée at beauty and essex.

I feel very lucky to be able to do the things I love to do. I still find such energy and ignition in styling hair and makeup for a photo shoot. Especially when it involves beautiful New York City!!! The call time for this shoot was 7 a.m. in the lower east side. I was in Connecticut, so I drove in the night before and stayed with friends in Brooklyn, then got up super early to fight the morning city traffic to make it to the shoot location on time. Beauty and Essex is a gorgeous restaurant/lounge on Essex St in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. I had never been before but was immediately impressed. You enter through a small pawn shop on the street front, into an incredible foyer with a large marble stair case who's 30+ foot wall is covered in white fur pelts. The place is beyond decadent: glamorous and seductive doesn't even touch on the decor. Golds and rich reds, with black wooden floors and intricately carved framed mirrors draping the walls. It was a place for queens, and was the perfect location to shoot this emerging lingerie line by Liz Marrell for QT Intimates. Crème Bralée is a sexy yet comfortable lingerie line geared toward full busted, full figured women. Liz and the whole QT team were great to work with,  the two models were both wonderful and gorgeous and well, there wasn't much about the day that wasn't!

Have a peek and see for yourself...

Location: Beauty and Essex, nyc

Lingerie: Crème Bralée for QT Intimates by Liz Marrell

Photography: Michael Rosenthal

Hair and Makeup: Jennifer Marcuson

Models: Michelle Rudan and Sara D.